Today’s question deals with one husband’s very tragic situation. He, like many of you, finds himself asking the question “Should I leave my cheating wife?“
My deepest sympathies go out to Betrayed Husband (and all of you) because he is currently dealing with a question that has no concrete answer.
Of course, I’ve done my best here, but I’m afraid that no matter whose advice he takes he’s in for a long and difficult road through no fault of his own.
To sum it up, one day Betrayed Husband happened to pick up his wife’s cell phone to discover evidence that his wife of 7 years has been cheating on him since the beginning.
But that’s not all…
He also found out that his 3 children are NOT his…Not even one.
He learned from text messages that his wife has been taunting him behind his back this whole time because he has NO CLUE that his two beloved children are another man’s offspring.
Honestly, I got really mad when I read this question, and probably some of you will too.
However, I’ll let you form your own opinions after reading it.
“Should I Leave My Cheating Wife if She’s Been Unfaithful this Whole Time?”
“What About Our (Her) Kids?”
I have been married to my wife for seven years…During my final year of Medical School, I found out she was pregnant, so after I graduated, I married her and we’ve been married ever since.
Last week, she forgot her phone at home, so I took it to her workplace, but I dropped the phone and picked it up. Upon picking it up, I found many messages about my wife’s many affairs, both before and during our marriage, including ones that explain that none of my children are actually mine. They are the children of other men that she has slept with.
What should I do?
Should I leave my cheating wife?
Should I confront her about it?
Should I just leave my children because they are not really mine?
I used to love her, but I’m not so sure now. Besides, who jokes, “honey i think hes onto us. he cant kno that [name withheld] is urs”.
HELP!!! MY WIFE DOESN’T KNOW THAT I KNOW THIS YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow. I honestly do not know what I would do in your situation, and I don’t think anybody truly could without being there.
As I’m sure you realize Betrayed Husband, this is a pretty heavy question, and a really unfortunate situation.
My heart goes out to you for being put in this spot. Sorry this answer is really long, but I really feel compelled to help you any way that I can.
Firstly, I do agree with the others that a DNA test for the kids would be prudent. I mean, even if they are yours if SHE thinks that they aren’t, as it would seem from the texts, then is that really any better?
It sounds to me like there are 2 real questions that you’re needing help with here and that you need to answer no matter what.
I’ve broken down my answer into 2 different answers to 2 separate questions, as seen below.
What should you do about your wife?
This one is really obvious to me. Divorce is the only answer.
If you DO want to forgive her, I’d take a look here:
However, you can look on any affair-related website anywhere and they will all tell you the same thing…
Affairs in which one partner spends lots of time planning and hiding from you are the hardest to recover from, and the longer it goes on the less likely it is you’ll ever see your marriage returned to normal ever again. Mostly because a cheater who has taken THAT much time to learn how to cheat properly just can’t stop.
Of course, in your situation your marriage was NEVER normal, since she’s been cheating on you all this time.
It really is unfortunate that we live in an era where women and men are both cheating more than ever, and both cheating with nearly the same frequency.
I think I read that some statistics said something like 60% of marriages have one spouse cheating, even if the other doesn’t know it or never finds out about it. Pretty tragic.
If you need any more proof that women are just as capable of heartless cheating as men, just head over to TruthAboutDeception.com and look through their user-submitted ‘secrets’. It’s mostly women confessing their affairs and talking about how they couldn’t care less about their husbands, and that ‘life is too short to waste on just one a lousy lay’.
It seems like your wife falls neatly into that class of women that just doesn’t care and is only out for themselves, so if I were you I would run for the hills ASAP. Trust me when I say that there are greener pastures elsewhere.
Let me make this very clear – Your wife will not stop cheating on you. “Once a cheater, always a cheater.”
And to all the people who say “You can’t get divorced because it will ruin your kids lives”…I say that’s a big ol’ load o’ crap.
My parents SHOULD have gotten divorced. I wish they would have, because watching their relationship spiral and flounder for 18 years until “the kids could handle it” was living hell.
You will not be doing your kids any favors by staying with your disgusting unfaithful wife. You’ll teach your kids that there are no consequences for your actions, that marriage = unhappiness, and worst of all your wife will STILL continue to cheat on you.
If the kids are NOT yours, should that affect your job as a parent?
This is the much more difficult question to answer because your kids had absolutely no control over this situation. Your wife f***ed it up for them, and now you’re left questioning your responsibilities as a parent.
For this question especially, I really think you’re going to have to come to a conclusion on your own. I think your own gut will be the best help of all.
However I’ll still give you some thoughts / advice that came to mind as I read your question. Basically there are two options.
(A) If you think that YES, you CAN look past the fact that these kids are the product of your wife’s infidelity and continue to love them EXACTLY AS MUCH as you did before you found out about the affair and not have it affect your parenting to them, then I would consider going for custody of the kids because your wife does NOT deserve to be a parent.
(B) That being said, if NO, you do NOT think that as a parent you can 100% separate your feelings of betrayal for your wife and the fact that the kids probably aren’t yours from your parental obligations, the RESPONSIBLE thing to do is to move on and let your wife raise her kids (and they are HER kids since their fathers aren’t around) on her own.
Your wife made her bed already, the only choice left is yours. Don’t feel obligated any which way, just follow your gut instincts.
Sorry for the long answer, I hope it was helpful.
My deepest sympathies,
PS – After thinking about it more and writing this answer out for you, Betrayed Husband, I think that if it were me I would leave after my wife had an affair.
I would probably also leave the kids, because I don’t think I could be a proper parent knowing that my kids were never really mine at all. I would only ever see INFIDELITY tattooed across their foreheads, and it would be impossible for me to continue being the responsible parent I ought to be.
It sucks, but I think that would be my answer.
Anyways, I encourage you to check out some of the other articles we have on SignsCheating.com, and I hope you find the answers you’re looking for, even if it’s not right here!
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