Today’s affair question comes from Concerned Companion, a wife who just found out that one of her friends’ husband has been cheating on her for the past 6 years (That she knows about).
Oh, and the only she found out was because her husband was caught cheating because of an STD.
So Concerned Companion’s question is whether or not there is any hope for a marriage which faces infidelity discovered through STDs.
It might not be the exact same situation that you’re in right now, but hopefully through this Q&A you can get some insight into your own affair-related circumstance.
Alright, let’s get to the question…
“Her Husband Was Caught Cheating Because of STDs…Can This Marriage Survive?”
I just found out that one of my friends, who just celebrated her 10th anniversary with her husband, has been the victim of cheating for the past 6 years.
Her husband has had more than one infidelity…With couples (threesome), women, men and everything in between for the past 6 years.
Right now she only knows about one cheating incident because he had a one night stand and caught an STD, which he in turn gave to her. So she now has an STD through no fault of her own. And the only reason she found out anything is because her husband caught cheating because of STD.
Her mom found out about her husband’s past affairs, and she’s going to tell her sometime later this week (Whenever she builds up the courage to tell her daughter that the man she loves has cheated more than once).
She has had no idea he was cheating, much less with “swingers” (Or whatever you call them).
My question is: Will this marriage survive?
Maybe a better question is CAN this marriage survive?
I’m very sorry for your friend, Concerned Companion, but honestly I would be very surprised if this marriage ever recovered.
If your friend DOES decide she wants to try and work things out, you should have her check out this help-quide:
Since the husband was caught cheating because of an STD, and that’s the only reason she ever learned anything (Not because he felt bad and confessed), then that makes it seem very unlikely. It sucks that she caught an STD from your cheating husband, but she should do herself a favor and stop even more misery by pursuing this marriage.
It seems like the MORE time you spend premeditating and planning an affair, the LESS likely it is that the marriage will continue after the affair is found out.
So in this instance it seems like since he’s been cheating for like, what, 6 years?
That’s a really long F-ing time.
For him to have continued cheating on her that WHOLE time and kept a straight face about it is literally unimaginable for me. I mean, you would either have to be (A) blatantly in denial about how wrong it is to cheat, or (B) honestly not give two sh&#$ whether or not your spouse ever found out because you don’t care about them.
Take it from a guy like me…If he’s been cheating for 6 years then he’s taken the time to learn to lie, to learn what she expects and to work around it, and to manipulate her emotionally as well.
That alone speaks volumes to me.
So again, I guess short answer would be:
No, I do not think their marriage will survive.
And I don’t think it should, either.
Sorry about the ramble =/
Best of luck and my deepest sympathies to your friend,
Editorial: Please note that the names and some minor details of this question have been changed for anonymity.
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- STD and affair (1)
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