Today’s question addresses an issue that’s actually surprisingly common in both men AND women who have broken up with their respective partners due to infidelity.
Basically, Ms. Moping Zombie is struggling to let go of her feelings for her ex, even though he cheated on her and she KNOWS she doesn’t want to forgive that kind of stuff…As she shouldn’t…However, what’s confusing her is that she still has feelings for him.
“My Ex Boyfriend Cheated, But I Can’t Stop Thinking About Him!”
I need help to get over my cheating ex boyfriend. Long story short, I ended a 2 year relationship with my ex because he cheated on me.
Its been about 3 months now since we have been apart. What’s very strange is that I got over him pretty quickly at the beginning. I never thought about him, I never cried over the break up…to be honest I was surprised at how well I was coping.
However for the past few weeks I just have NOT been able to stop thinking about him.
Every night and every morning I find myself thinking about him. I’m 100% sure I would never want to be with him; I will not forgive infidelity – EVER.
So, why all of a sudden can’t I stop thinking about him?
Its driving me crazy!
All I do is mope around like a zombie, constantly close to tears. I feel like I’m losing myself…I find myself thinking up stupid reasons why to contact him (don’t worry, i never do).
I feel real, true hatred for him, so why do you think all of a sudden I’m acting like this???
- Moping Zombie
PS – He hasn’t got a new girlfriend, so its not because he has someone new.
Honestly, I think that the main problem is that you’re still in contact with so many other members of his family.
Look, obviously 2 years spent in ANY relationship is a really long time. Even if in the end he cheated on you, cheating won’t automatically erase the memories or feelings that have developed over 2 years…That much is obvious.
It will always be hard to get over an ex boyfriend if you keep contact with his family, the fact that he cheated just amplifies your feelings of confusion. You need to sever those connections and move on.
You’ve already said that you know logically and in your mind that you do NOT ever want to date someone like that. You’ve said that cheating is something you just move on from, not try and recover from. You understand this, and you’re probably correct in doing so.
After all, forgiveness isn’t for everyone, and that’s not at all a bad thing.
But what that means is that the only thing holding you back is your feelings, but that’s to be expected from a 2 year relationship!
- Remember the saying “Once a cheater, always a cheater” and be comforted knowing that breaking up was the right choice.
Recommit yourself to that decision, and close off any possibility inside of your mind of EVER dating him. It’s like drugs…Just say no.
- Recognize that you’re going to feel really crappy sometimes, and that chances are there will still even after this be days where you just really crave him again, so prepare for that and accept those days as normal when they come.
- When you feel yourself starting to tear up or think about him, don’t berate yourself for your feelings…Instead try postitive affirmation.
- Tell yourself constantly that you’re doing a good job (Which you are) and you’ll believe it a lot more than if you just keep asking what’s wrong with you.
- Remember, there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just gonna take some time.
Anyways, as I tend to do with these Answers I seem to have gone off on a ramble. I hope that what I said was at least a little helpful. I’ll quote some references below if you want more info.
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